Dog Day Afternoon, one of the great films of the 70s, starring the wonderful Pacino and Cazale playing Sonny and Sal, a pair of dysfunctional ne’er-do-wells who botch a bank robbery on a hot summer’s afternoon in Brooklyn.

A true story. And interestingly, for the times, they plan the robbery to fund a gender re-assignment for Sonny’s boyfriend Leon – they (preferred pronoun) were clearly ahead of their (ditto) time…

So, as I gaze out from the sunlit office wondering what to write and dreamily watch the tumbleweed roll slowly down a baking and deserted Northcote Road, I surmise that the Dog Days are truly upon us.

An unusual, but deliciously descriptive term for this time of year.

So named by the Ancient Greeks because the period that they represent, July to September, follows the rising of the star system Sirius (the ‘Dog Star’) – the hottest part of the year. The Ancient Greek astrologers surmised that it was The Dog Star that made this a time of heat, drought, thunderstorms, lethargy, bad luck and mad dogs.

So, setting the action on a fearfully hot afternoon in Brooklyn, I guess Sydney Lumet saw Sal and Sonny as your proverbially unlucky mad dogs…

The only other memorable usage of the term I guess would come from our Local Heroine, the great Florence Welch, who professes that said days are now over…

Or not?

But we must return to matters property, after all, that’s why I’m tapping away here.

And as the sweltering summer sun shines through the window, I am overwhelmed by lethargy, lassitude and writer’s block. Whilst I scratch my head and ponder, my mind wanders through the usual subjects and suspects…

I could write a summer market report on the year so far – but that would be dull. You already know it’s been fantastic, and a list of superlatives and hubristic number crunching would surely send you off for your siesta.

I could write a zesty, upbeat, and informative article about why the London Borough of Wandsworth is such a great place to live. I could tell you about all the fabulous bars, restaurants, shops and schools, even adding in my own favourites. But that would be duller still – and you already know why Wandsworth’s great, or you wouldn’t be reading this…

I could give you my predictions for this coming Autumn market but that would be largely unqualified conjecture – as agents we can report on the past and present, but sadly not the future. If we could you wouldn’t be reading this…

I could discuss how Rampton Baseley are, for a myriad of reasons, the best estate agent in Wandsworth, and why therefore you should instruct us to sell or let your home. By far the dullest option it’s what every agent says, and anyway, you all already know that, or you wouldn’t be reading this…

So, if I don’t want to be boring, provide largely unqualified speculation, state the bleeding obvious, or just be plain tedious then what should I do?

Further head scratching came up with the following options;

What about some really insightful advice about how to prepare your property for the market? You know a sort of Kirstie and Phil insider’s guide to property presentation; baking bread, brewing coffee and buying fresh flowers? Oh man, get a grip!

OK then, what about an article dealing with ‘frequently asked questions regarding moving house’? Possibly the second most boring estate agent article after ‘Why we’re the best local estate agent to sell or let your home.’

Here’s one, ‘what works should I do to my property to maximise value’? In the Works to Property Section of the Cliched Estate Agent’s Handbook, this is even more widely published and even duller than the ‘which extensions provide the best returns’ article.

How about ‘unusual and funny things that have happened in my career as an estate agent’? – I could but it’s largely unprintable and would lead to a woke-frenzied, cancel-culture firestorm…

So, I was just pondering whether to write about the threat rising interest rates pose to the housing market and the UK economy, when I realised that you would all probably know much more about that than I would. And anyway, that’s economics, and as we’ve all agreed before, it is, by definition, dull as ditch water.

So, I now realise that perhaps there is nothing left unsaid or unread this year about the local property market that’s really worth saying or writing…

And with that realisation, I realised I’d run out of space…until next time when, as Florence might say, The Dog Days Are Over.